It's exhausting jerking off to my exes at this point.

 

It's not even good goon meat anymore. I mean, hot as they may be and some are particularly so, fuck man—imagine having to talk to them for even 4 minutes before or after? Christ Almighty. Talk about a boner killer. I can barely even look at their stories anymore even in the skimpiest sluttiest fits and the most tantalizing fuck me mouths and eyes.

 

No amount of squirt.

 

No amount of tongue in hole.

 

I don't think I could do it.

 

I'm not the worst husband but the main reason I don't cheat is fuck—who could even be bothered to get it up for anyone anymore? I mean, please make me crazy, make me hard, make me want to stalk you, Jesus

 

Did our phones rewire our neurons so that even bopping your salami is fuckin so stupid it's not even worth it anymore? 

 

I'm even bored looking at hot tramps slutting themsleves out on insta how tf did that happen?

 

Maybe I'll just fuck my phone instead of jerking off with it. The primal screen.