Rewards

I find a shoe full of blood 

on the trail 

I do what’s expected of me

 

Police say they’ll check the policy 

about rewards 

for found bloody shoes 

 

Later, proud Mom 

dumps my favorite mozzarella sticks 

into the fryer

 

I can have ten

after I wash 

under my nails

 

The other shoe is somewhere else 

What if it still has the foot?

That’d have to count for double

 

How much for a whole leg? 

A head? 

Can I bring them any head?

 

 

Aced The Interview

 

Atop the Great Pyramid of Giza, Boeing CH-47 

Chinooks dumping peanut butter meth-fudge 

brownie mix down my throat, Jimi Hendrix’s 

Resurrected Experience as the live entertainment 

for my own Cirque du Soleil aqua show where 

I’m King Triton or Lana del Rey’s seahorse which 

proves not only can I multitask, but I have good 

taste music and women and have leadership 

capabilities, if those are requirements for this job.  

So, that’s where I see myself the next 10 years, 

though I know here I’ll only be selling auto parts. 

 

 

What a Headline 

CEMENT MIXER HITS TRUCK HAULING BUFFALO HITS 

AMBULANCE CARTING HEART ATTACK HITS TRAILER 

LAUNCHING WARHEAD HITS FUEL TANKER COLLIDES 

WITH STATION WAGON COMBUSTION EJECTS FISHERMAN 

HEADFIRST INTO ALLIGATOR TRANSPORT TUBE - CORONER 

STATES: “GOOD THING HE WAS STILL WEARING A LIFE JACKET”

BYSTANDERS REPORT SEEING CHICKEN FLEE THE SCENE

POLICE CHIEF PRESS CONFERENCE: “LOCALS STILL FINISHING 

THEIR CEREAL CAN STAY HOME UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE”

TODAY’S FORECAST: CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF FALLOUT.