Strangely, Colorado

​

 

                                                                         1

​

power out for the whole town tonight as happens tho thankfully not this last winter during the two weeks of below zero when I was gone to Boulder + La Junta—anyways spring is here—cherry trees blooming after the normal bi-polar heat + cold + snow + rain + sun + that weird cold east wind apparently off the Rockies somehow—scribbling in the dark playing acoustic guitar belly full of new pad thai at the chinese place owned by Jonny originally from Vietnam—clear red sunset over in Utah—warblers getting last songs—crows already upcanyons—population 1500 on a good day—I celebrated classes being done for the summer by running up the Baseline Road east into mesas then BLM road 1118A w/50 miles views—one hour to get up one half hour to get down (ok so I hiked some of it)—when I originally applied for the job I looked at all the BLM land surrounding town + figured I could survive if I got outside—no official trails but two-tracks + arroyos abound—I miss movie theaters + hanging out in cafes + I/m now one of the town eccentrics I guess—who knows if I/ll last or survive—thirty years to retirement puts me at 82!

​

 

                                                                         2

​

walk out to the mesa edge w/my guitar playing + singing like I used to at my lookout towers to nobody but birds or bats or myself—half the town does have power just not this half w/oil rigs scattered in the desert hills—whole White River valley actually beautiful as even LA and Phoenix are beautiful at night when seen from a mountaintop at a distance—I/m almost drawn to the lights like Moth Man but am content to be here now under the stars singing Dylan Cash Prine Van Zant Welch—why dont I do this more often? b/c tired—want to read + relax by brain from teaching—I/m the only one who chooses night classes—less students no admin + more tranquil except I never feel tranquil when I have responsibility which I could always give up + go back to fire lookouting + earn less than half what I make now + be in poverty housesitting + traveling between states for freedom which many mericans may soon be doing grateful for a gig at an Amazon warehouse—there is freedom in poverty if you can do it right (says the single white male in general good health) tho you/re only one big car bill away from disaster + I never felt worthy of a woman—the only women who might have dated me would be in poverty too + who wants to date someone like that?

​

 

                                                                         3

​

scribbling by solar-powered Luci light like before being called back to teaching—almost didnt apply—had almost given up on teaching thinking I was too old + had been gone too long + like Confucius said or modeled—a teacher should be invited but my Dean said I can stay here as long as I want as long as I dont sleep with a student (too old anyways) even tho I/m flouting the assessment criteria—I dont fucking care—I want to teach what I feel interesting so all comp students are writing poetry + essays w/minimal rules—no argument papers—I dont care what an 18-year-old thinks about abortion or gun rights—even the most formal unit, a review, pushes my buttons: no one chooses to review a book—ok, I get it + I dont care about basketball shoes but go for it tho occasional interesting choices like ropes + saddles—ethnographies go well: send students out into the town to write about a place + its people + so now I/m a composition nerd again—what happened? + now I/m an adult finally at 52? when my dad owned a house in his mid-twenties—I could actually afford a house here tho no desire + I wouldnt be sure if I could sell it if I left—not sure this college or town will be here in ten years

​

 

                                                                         4

​

Chevron oilfields drying up + coal plant closing no other industry to even get to move here except buddha-help-us a prison or two—a colleague even told me of speculation that if the college went out of business the campus could be converted into a prison—the basic infrastructure the same which says a lot about education + some students hardly leave campus—recruited to come play sports w/no vehicle + no time—w/o sports getting butts in the seats bringing state money this place would vanish + in fact sports replaced oil—a whole building used to be for resource extraction studies—all those jobs gone replaced by machines tho young men still become roughnecks out of highschool here leaving for a week to frack up in North Dakota 12-hour shifts at night then a week off + most wont have all their fingers by thirty—many young single women especially single mothers go into nursing or dental hygienics tho nursing pays more which is true everywhere thats what I/d tell them: you can be a nurse anywhere get out—so what am I doing here—paid to help students think—not sure if they do but you can never be sure w/teaching—try to help—do no harm, get them to get words on the page—if they did that then they thought + became better thinkers + meanwhile save my money + the power is on!

​

 

                                                                         5

​

Strangely has five churches plus LDS temple, three real restaurants + two new ones that will go out of business plus a ‘cafe’ that serves breakfast + light lunch; two hardware stores + two dollar stores which will probably put the (expensive) White River Grocery out of business (along w/ one of the hardware stores); one bar thats only been open friday/saturday b/c the owner cant keep employees w/his spy cameras everywhere so he can watch from his house—he also owns the cafe; one midrange hotel charges $100/night no matter what—the two cheap motels went out of business so most visitors continue on 45 minutes to Vernal which is where the nearest real grocery store + Walmart are—any more civilization + you head south over Douglas Pass to Grand Junction for bookstores + good restaurants tho I think the one indie movie theater has gone out of business + I never have time for a yoga class but lots of trails up into Colorado Monument canyons—I have yet to canoe the Rio Blanco or Yampa or Green + supposedly a wolf pack has moved into Moffett County—new state law protects them but that doesnt matter these parts—this is cow country— if you hit a bovine w/your vehicle even though they just wander freely around here you have to pay the rancher back for his loss tho to the east is a designated wild horse range—they come down to Hwy 139 in the winter + coyotescan yip around the arroyos saturday night tonight.

​

 

                                                                         6

​

politically conservative country which can be anything from regular racists to flags waving in yards

saying Elect Trump: Fuck Your Feelings which I actually think is funny in a true way—I/d love to see a Green Party: Fuck Your Feelings flag tho if I ever get a house I/ll just fly the Jolly Rodger or the big red A on a field of black—really fuck with them but the liberals (+ there are quietly some) are the kind who think they actually chose Biden + believe CIA talking points that he/s the new FDR while he continues bombing Yemen + Syria + Afghanistan + continues building the wall to keep them filthy mexicans out—could pardon student debt but wont + raised the military budget by twenty billion + gives 120 billion to nazis in Ukraine—a quarter of which could end homelessness and a lot of which is laundered back Washington—in other words (in his words) ‘Nothing will fundamentally change’—that/s a comforting thought to liberals so we/re all fucked but I can walk out to the hills behind campus find a good flat rock on a cliff in the wind—graduation was today + I put on the cap + gown to honor students even tho I skipped all mine—not sure they know what being a dental hygienist for the rest of their lives means tho I/m rooting for the associates-of-arts kids—maybe they/ll go on to bring poetry into the world or at least live examined lives + read a book or two + I/m done for the year—exhausted suddenly—take a second nap maybe fix myself a gin + tonic + read Pablo Neruda correcting the awful english translations w/pencil.

​

 

                                                                         7

​

juniper sage magpies—some finches on campus— male + female woodpecker chewing up the buildings—crows of course, roosting in the pondos + white pine—someone even planted a bunch of russian olives which thrive—ATVs + side-by-sides coming out after dinner—I feel comfortable here in mesa country high desert—survived my first year back at teaching + at least did no harm sending them off to lives of quiet desperation in Merican Empire—huge anvil clouds north of Dinosaur heading east—maybe following the Green—I/ve seen weather do that—we seem to be sheltered by the Bookcliffs to the south—clouds to the east on the Flat Tops Wilderness too tho we got our share of snow + blessed rain recently—why am I sad? lonely? existential freedom for three months? going on a backpacking trip with Rick and Heidi in two weeks: Dark Canyon in the Bears Ears area of Utah + Grand Mesa awaits when the snow melts off—might head to the Uintas + avoid the Rockies completely—all the Boulderites w/their virtue-signaling masks outside + as for women—I know I/m now prime meat in town—single middle-class male in decent shape + I dont do meth—I have an occasional female companion who is as skittish as I + that/s plenty—one or both of us may leave soon anyways—but will I? getting paid crazy money + allowed total freedom to run classes how I want to bring in Emma Goldman essays if I want—why leave? but I can feel the time-sucks moving in—committees and faculty senate officer positions—two new deans I actively dislike with the feeling mutual....

​

 

                                                                         8

​

Strangely a town where everyone knows your name + knows everything about everyone—when I first got here I/d introduce myself and be answered —oh, I know who you are—which is not to say nobody does bad things: if you/re protected by job or last name or church you can do things like be a cop + buy beer for teen girls if they give you a blowjob or you can be a teacher at the high school + say racist + sexist + bullying things to students and/or what really got parents mad: texting teen girls and nothing will happen to you despite investigations except perhaps you get yr ass kicked some night by a dad—+ if a student of mine is having mental health issues I/m supposed to just give them a website address.

​

 

 

                                                                         9

​

or you can watch the trailer fire down by the river which w/strong west winds spread to the brush crossing the Green Bridge road amazingly with no other structures—huge black smoke rising + pushed horizontal mixed w/grey brown + white smoke to easily ten acres—the whole town drives over to watch standing in pickups while volunteer firefighters douse it with water + foam—just a slight windshift could send it right into Main Street—this in early may before fire season even really starts

tho we may all be californians now—fire season year round.

​

 

                                                                         10

​

or you can go try to find Blue Mountain Campground which according to a student has a lake + trees even tho its at the foot of Dinosaur Mountain in high desert—drive west toward Vernal look for the turnoff sign after you cross the state line—go right on the dirt road back northeast + recross the state line + the supposed road is gated off private property: no trees but thick juniper so backtrack  take a two-track north to the edge y nada no hay lago but yes an old dry creekbed—saunter down a drainage to it because this is Strangely BLM land—no official trails here—you wander + find routes down to the creek bed sand + sandstone—one huge conglomerate boulder right in the middle—explore upstream after leaving your jacket as a marker + find a slot canyon on the left winding north towards cliffs with orange hoodoos leaning over blessed shade tho not too hot yet beginning of may—scrambling up boulders + dryfalls to smooth grey overhang just happy to be wandering where no one goes

return + climb back out to the truck + still no campground—my student made it all up just telling her audience what I wanted to hear.

​

​

                                                                         11

​

head up to The Tank north of town: old metal granary which turns out to have wild acoustics—used to be a hangout spot for teenagers who snuck thru the small hole at night + drank beer but now has a non-profit protecting it—new metal door w/smooth floor (take off your shoes)—trailer next door a full recording studio + soundboard—musicians come from all over the empire to record—three stories high + twenty-foot radius—every little sound amplified + reverberated almost as if the Tank gathers the sounds above so you cant play fast or too much—slowly let notes + chords ring give them time—voice percussion strings—even my unplugged electric bass—more intense in the center—experiment at the sides—concerts spill out to the parking lot—which some prefer—microphones everywhere w/speaker + video projections on the hills surrounding + most town folks dont even know this exists or dont care.

​

​

                                                                         12

​

or go for a run—pick any dirt road really right out of town or drive down 139 right or left either upcanyon or up-mesa—two miles to get on top: look south to Douglas Pass + the Bookcliffs (still w/snow!) or east to Rabbit Mountain + maybe the Uintas in Utah—west not quite to the Flat Tops—just mesas y mesas of Rio Blanco drainage winding between them to Black Mountain + north to Blue Mountain + Dinosaur National Monument—clouds lined up along the Green + Yampa Rivers (Dinosaur being a place of magic at their confluence—Echo Park + anywhere away from people + campgrounds which is easy—people tend not to go far from their cars) (but huge canyons there + in fact the choice of compromise was to dam either here or the Grand Canyon + the wrong choice was made—devil/s bargain) but no one out here—the stray ATV but they tend to stay close to town after dinner—roads to nowhere really—roads to enjoy for themselves w/side road two-tracks out to high rock points or find a canyon + just go up it—maybe a gametrail—its not wilderness + mostly—out here—oil pumpjacks or piles of beer and + broken glass from target shooting—old fire pits at the best spots—cigarette butts—but easy enough to step off the road + vanish into mostly open space—rocky + filled w/juniper + sage but it smells good + you understand the wild horses.

​

 

                                                                         13

​

if your life gets too townie + apartment walls are thin—if you get sick of staring at screens trapped inside—throw on a backpack + hike south into the hills: you dont have to go far + will even still hear traffic off the highway but crickets greet you + coyotes if you/re lucky—little canyons open w/little two-tracks leading to them—go past the dead oil drills—they/ll rust away eventually—set up the tent right on the end loop road—smoothest spot—no food—just a quart of water—warm sleeping bag, a notebook in which to scribble w/a Luci light, beat-up paperback to read for pleasure w/o marginalia say perhaps the Collected Works of Dorothy Parker who would have hated Strangely + eviscerated it—who maybe would have hated what The New Yorker has become or maybe not but you can still love her just as you can still love Hemingway after a six-hour documentary—all the horrible things he did but were done to him too—we/re all just so fucking human all too human + people like me coming in w/expressivist + leftist ideas—the people of Strangely just scared of change ironically like ‘nothing will fundamentally change/ centrist liberals + if the poor whites ever realize how much they might have in common w/poor blacks, latinos, indians et cetera...but they wont—our two-party system ensures it—our mainstream media ensures it peddling fear narratives: nothing will fundamentally change here in Strangely until it fades away like oil + water...

​

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Born in Puerto Rico, John Yohe has worked as a wildland firefighter, wilderness ranger and fire lookout. Best of the Net nominee x2. Notable Essay List for Best American Essays 2021, 2022 and 2023. @thejohnyohe www.johnyohe.weebly.com